The Goonie LORE

Every Goonie in the Gutterlands knows the story of Asmodan, the abhorrent and atrocious wizard whose only goal since he was a little apprentice mage was to rule the Ethereum Universe. How could they not know it? Asmodan was their creator, the ruler of the Gutterlands and the leader of the Goonie Crew.

Asmodan, the ruler of the Gutterlands and the leader of the Goonie Crew.

Long before the Goonies were created, Asmodan started building his empire in the Gutterlands, known by many as “The Sewage of the World”. But not to him, no. To Asmodan, his home was a perfect mixture of fire and destruction, spooky crypts and otherworldly monsters and haunting bats and scary looking portals that would throw you out right over a cave if you dared enter. There was no better place for an evil wizard to plot and devise a plan to rule the world.

You see, Asmodan hated everything not coming from the Gutterlands. Chaos was his thing and he did his thing perfectly. Those neighbors of his, those pesky knights and their republic, their laws and their inventions, their riches and their joys have always irritated him. He hated their rules and their peace and wanted nothing else but to bring his mayhem to their land. Something had to be done, Asmodan thought. And soon…

And so he sat out to do that exact thing. He gathered the Chieftains, 10 of his most loyal subjects, and attacked the world of men.

Oh what a horrible day that was for him. How could he have known that it was the exact day those annoying knights hosted their annual combat drills. Every single soldier in the land was fully armed and just waiting for an enemy. Asmodan and his Chieftains walked straight into a trap – having nothing but themselves to blame.

Despite their might they were no match for their enemy (to this day you can hear Asmodan say it was simply because of their numbers). The knights chased them away straight back to the Gutterlands, defeating every single Chieftain along the way and locking them in the most terrifying crypts they could find. No one would be able to get them out, or at least that was what they thought.

A legendary crypt full of monsters where a locked up Chieftain now awaits his rescue.

Fortunately, Asmodan was able to escape back to his dwelling. Well, if you ask him he didn’t really escape, he just had to run very quickly because he left something in the oven. It was all very voluntary. Since that day he has been plotting his revenge and this time, nothing would stop him.

What has changed, you might ask? Well this is where the Goonies’ story begins. Asmodan knew that the knights had numbers on their side, so he decided to make himself an army. A gruesome, monstrous scary army that nobody would be able to stop. An army sure to lead him to world domination.

Asmodan gathered a couple of dead fishes, some human corpses, some pumpkins, a couple of bats, a diseased pig and some snot directly from his nostril and threw them all together in a cauldron. He then prepared his strongest spell, throwing all the knowledge he gathered during his years of mage school behind it. He wove together threads of magic, power seeping from him and the malevolent forces looming in the Gutterlands whose very names have been lost to the ravages of time.

Thus, 9,081 Goonies were created and Asmodan was pleased, for they were… Well, they were gruesome, of that he was certain.

9,081 gruesome Goonies were created and the Goonie Crew was formed!

Were the Goonies ready to fight? Could they help take over the world? Would they even be able to take care of themselves? That he did not know yet. But he will soon find out! But not before he arms them. And chooses their leader. And rescues his Chieftains. Ugh, do these tedious tasks never end?

Being the mastermind he is, Asmodan found a way, as the famous Gutterlands saying goes, to kill three knights with one spell. He will send the Goonies to raid every crypt holding his Chieftains, ordering them to arm THEMSELVES in the process. Let them prove their worth!

The Goonie who saves the most chieftains will join him as his right-hand and receive the coveted title of first chieftain! Prime chieftain? Chief chieftain? Well, he’ll have to put some more thought in the labeling, but suffice it to say that this Goonie will have a front row seat of Asmodan finally defeating those good-for-nothing knights and taking over the Ethereum Universe!

The Goonie Crew is ready to take over the Ethereum Universe!

Will you be the One? The Goonie to rule them all? The Goonie who lived? The Supreme Goonie! Choose your fighters, train and prepare them for war and fulfill your destiny! Raid the crypts, save the chieftains and become the scourge you know you are!